From the mailbag - the curse of meaty thighs

Share Cropper said, in a comment on the call to muu muus,

Well, St. Pat, I love muu muus too, but I've gotten more meaty since they were in fashion throughout the country, and I find that my thighs rub together and cause great pain from the sweat and friction. What can I do to feel better but still comfortable?

Saint Pat understands completely, having a pair of thunder thighs herself. She's noticed that swishy sound her legs make as her pantyhose-clad thighs strive to cling together when she walks.

Before she could respond, Eileen jumped in and said...

I don't own a muu muu. But I want [one]too.

Sharecropper - There are two things you could try (as ample thigh a part of my God-given body, blessed as it is!)

You could take underarm deoderant, and put it on your thighs at the friction point. This does two things - decreases sweat, and provides a bit of...I dunno...barrier, for want of a better word. You can also put on some cornstarch powder as well.

OR you could get a split-style short slip (one that looks like big ass granny panties gone wild!). This is loose fitting, doesn't add too much weight or heat, and keeps a nice slippery bit of cloth at the noisome point.

Eileen's ideas are pretty good.


Saint Pat tried to find some nice, lightweight boy-cut cotton panties.

Sigh.

She has been looking through too many lingerie catalogs this evening, and she's stressed by the sight of all those high-topped, long leg girdles and body slimmers. They should be outlawed, like the Iron Maiden, which one might as well wear. One might as well bind one's feet, while one is at it.

You could try something like one of these; Saint Pat favors the shorter, black ones.











Remember, you're not going to wear your muumuu on a cross-country hike. It's for lounging around the house, and you probably won't need any thigh protection. A little talc or baby powder should work just fine.




Now, this gives a whole new meaning to the term "boy-legged panties." (photo lifted from MadPriest's blog.




















Saint Pat was traumatized by girdles at a young age. She's going to lie down, now, and recover from the vapors brought on by the stressful activity she braved, all for the sake of her reader.

She hopes she won't have nightmares.

Everything old is new again

A column touting the return of the polka dot caught our eye the other day. Apparently, everything polka (dot) is coming back -- big dots, Swiss dots, you name it.

The column featured a photo of a little polka-dot shirtwaist dress. Quite nice, but it was oddly reminiscent of something.

Ah, yes.


"Luceeeee"
















"Eh-thellllllll"



What will they come up with next?

Muumuu musings

Spring is short and it's getting warm in sunny Central Florida. After months of wearing sweat pants and such around the house, I went through my drawers looking for something cooler to wear.

Denim shorts? Nah.

I wanted something really comfortable. Something that lets the air circulate. No bra required.

What I really wanted was a muumuu.


Coming from Hawaii, the muumuu is designed to let everything air out and keep the sweat evaporated. Nice and cool and comfy.

I'm not advocating the muumuu for the office, mind you, but for at home lounging, cooking breakfast, even running out to the mailbox -- I want a muumuu.

Mrs. Roper, I salute you!



Mrs. Roper (Audra Lindley, shown here with actor Norman Fell) of Three's Company never wore anything but muumuus and caftans.

There's no question about it. I'm in my middle years. Comfort counts.

Help is here, darlings

Having already received one request for advice, Saint Pat decided it would be a good thing to have a place for you to regularly send your pleas for counsel, so she set up a special e-mail account just for that purpose. Send you requests to AskSaintPat[at]yahoo[dot]com. If you're having a fashion or beauty emergency, she will advise you on this blog. If you want advice of a more personal or spiritual nature, it will be answered at No Claim to Sainthood.


Here's the first Q&A:

Dear Saint Pat,

I have a terrible time with coffee stains. I'll be sitting at work, reading MadPriest and all of a sudden, I'll laugh and spew coffee all over my keyboard and my white blouse. What can I do to keep stains from setting into my blouses? All of my clothes are getting stained.

Sincerely,

Concerned in Kissimmee


Dear Concerned,

In the first place, don't wear white blouses if you're going to be so messy.

If you have to wear white and light colors (I see you are in Florida, after all), go straight to the ladies' room. Wash out the spot with hot water, then, with your fingers, take a little of that white hand soap, rub it into the spot, and rinse again. It will usually remove the coffee with no problem. This technique is also good for removing salad dressing stains and hamburger droppings.

If there's no blow dryer in the ladies' room, blot the spot as well as you can with paper towels.

Sure, people will look at you funny the first time you go strolling through the office with one wet boob, but just explain the circumstances to them. After the first few times, they won't even pay any attention.

Now, as to why you are reading MadPriest during working hours, that's another question.

Yours,

Saint Pat

Just snicker

This is from Elle's must-haves for 9 to 5. Oh, please. I can rummage in the back of my closet and pull out a real 1980's blouse that looks better than this piece of frump.

It was a terrible look, anyway. Some designer thought, "Hmmm. We could feminize the women's 'got to be more businessy than men' look by adding a frumpy bow." The look should rest in peace. Leave it alone, darlings. But if you insist on having it, you can find one for just a buck or two at Goodwill.

And what's with the hideous shoes?









If any proof were needed that most designers are misogynistic sadists, just look at shoes.

I'm happy to report Macy's does has a number of low heeled and flat shoes, which look like they would inflict very little pain on the wearer.



Get these, however. The combo of destruction: very high heels and very pointed toes. The heels are enough to cause a serious fall. If you manage to wear them long enough before you tumble, they'll cause deformity to your calf muscles. They'll also push your toes further into the shoes, causing deformities to the bones in your toes, with considerable pain along the way. Hammertoes, bunions.

Do you really want to cripple yourself?



And stuff like this runway monstrosity? Well, just :snicker: I guess nobody's supposed to actually wear it (especially the hat) until it's been re-designed. Just snicker.


BUT never buy anything like this!!!! No fur, darlings, no fur. Not even fake fur. I'll explain more on that later.

Real women wear real clothes

Are you sick and tired of snooty fashion designers telling you to wear impossibly ugly clothes?

Are you tired of fashion mavens who archly put down the kind of clothes you wear, and who act like paying $600 for a dress or pair of shoes is usual?

ARE YOU FED UP?

Real women, unite!

Then, this is the blog for you. Full of fashion tips for real working women who wear what they have more than they shop 'til they drop. Women who couldn't survive eight hours in the uncomfortable clothes and feet-crippling shoes the Pharisees of fashion would have us wear.

Get sensible tips for dealing with fashion emergencies, too.