Just because

From the "Aaack - what were they thinking" department

Please, darlings. Leave this look alone. Bear in mind that mini-skirts don't really look good on anyone older than 15, and no, darling, they won't think you're 15 because you're wearing it. Really.

The dress, with an elegant halter top, could look sumptuous if the balloon hem swirled around the model's knees. It just looks kinda tacky, instead.

I saw an actress wearing anultra-mini sundress with a balloon hem on one of the TV soaps as I scanned channels today. It made this dress look classy by comparison.

Evan Almighty

Go see Evan Almighty

I read the Washington Post's scathing review Friday morning, then Friday evening, I went to see the movie.

It was great.

Ignore the bitter crankiness of the uber-intellectual critics.

No, this is no intellectual heavyweight. It's a feel-good family movie. A co-worker and I laughed through the whole flick, which was directed by Tom Shadyac.

The title, Evan Almighty, might lead you to think it's a sequel of Bruce Almighty, which starred Jim Carrey. It isn't, though it has some of the same zaniness. The new movie might be better titled "Evan Obeys the Almighty," for Evan, played by Steve Carrell, doesn't gain any supernatural powers.

Instead, Evan's chosen by the Almighty because, after being elected to Congress, his wife told Evan he should pray. Evan, pushed by his wife, prayed to change the world. Moral: beware what you pray!

In the great tradition of prophets and holy men, Evan is reluctant to do the weird stuff God (Morgan Freeman) tells him to do, such as build an ark in the lot next to his shiny new home. Evan, who's on the superficial side in the beginning of the movie, focuses a lot of attention on suits, vehicles, and houses, all to make the right impression as he begins a term in Congress.

God isn't one to be ignored, and the humor rolls as Evan tries to wiggle out of the new Noah gig. Life is changed for everyone, including Evan, his family, Congress, the nation and the world.

No, this movie is not an intellectual heavyweight. It's a good, funny movie with a good message, and without preachiness. Steve Carrell, of 40 Year Old Virgin movie fame and The Office (which I hate) on TV, is perfect in the part, without the frenetic over-the-topness of Jim Carrey.

Wanda Sykes as Evan's Congressional assistant is as funny and biting as always.

The movie has a great soundtrack. Don't get up and leave as the ending credits begin to roll, or you'll miss a very funny bit.

Designer dumb: Daughter of Data caption contest

A lot of what designers come up with in their quest to be daring is just really stupid.
I call this (think Star Trek: the Next Generation) Daughter of Data Visits the North Country. What would you call it?

Not so much a fashion statement

Michael Moore is at it again -- exposing the ugly truth, and pissing off governmental officials while he does it.

Michael Moore: not so much a fashion statement.

In Farenheit 911, Moore exposed the greed, corruption and lunacy that brought us the war in Iraq.

This time, in a timely production called Sicko, he's going after the medical-insurance-pharmaceutical (MIP for short) fascist oligarchy.

This is a lot tougher and more dangerous than going after Bush Baby. This is going after some of the big boys who pull the Bush strings. The MIP capitalist complex is one of the most powerful groups in the country, and among the biggest contributors to the Bush campaign.

So, no wonder the Treasury Department has been sicked on Moore. They're investigating him for violation of the trade embargo on Cuba, for taking some 911 heroes there, ones who apparently couldn't get medical care in the grateful ol' USA; the point being they COULD get treatment in a third-world communist country.

You gotta admit, Moore has a great capacity for irony.

I take it it wasn't the medical facilities at Guantanamo to which Moore took the sick people.

Hmmm. Would the Gitmo detention center be a trade violation? Seems like as much of one as sick people going for medical treatment in Cuba. Any lawyers out there?

But, then, the MIP oligarchy couldn't stand the idea of us going across the Canadian border to get the exact same prescription drugs we would get in the US, but for a fraction of the cost. And they claimed it was because they were frightened for our safety.

Apparently, the cold, dry Canadian air has a deleterious effect on pills sitting inside Canadian drugstores, on pharmacy shelves.

I can't wait for Sicko to come out.

But be careful, Michael. MIPs are the kind of people who "probe" other people in ways you really wouldn't like.

Socks and sandals?

Saint Pat has been devoting some prayer time to this doctrinal question, and has the answer:

"Yes," if you live subtropical or tropical climes. I'm noticing more priests tapping into the trend.

Here in Florida, where it is pretty hot 9 out of 12 months of the year and hellish hot the other three, it's just too fazoolin miserable with heavy dress shoes on. One simply dies, darlings, behind the altar rail, what with heavy robes on over street clothes. Wearing shiny black shoes that don't let any air circulate is the straw that broke the camel's back.

Even on weekdays, wearing closed-in shoes all day makes for hot, stinky-fungual feet. Let the air in! Let the sun shine on those dogs whenever possible.

Sensitive to the fact some parishioners might not want to look at the priest's toenails while receiving the communion wafer, priests wear modesty-protecting socks with their sandals. Socks are usually black, to match their slacks, I might add; no priests in shorts, though I have seen some chalicers in shorts, beneath their robes. No hairy calves showing.



Wearing socks prevents chafing from sandal straps. It also keeps tootsies warm on those occasional chilly mornings in winter.

Socks and sandals are apparently a major controversy in the halls of academia, also. I found these photos to filch at The Daily Transcript, a site devoted to hot ongoing debates in scientific circles, such as, "Is it only men who wear socks with sandals?" and, "Does wearing socks with sandals in the lab really protect tootsies from acid spills?"

As for me, I only wear socks with sandals in the wintertime, when I want a little warmth, but still want some air. But I usually opt for closed-in shoes when it's that chilly.

In hot weather, I chalice whilst wearing sandals or slide-ons, no socks.

Poor Richard

Poor Richard. And Alec. And poor Hugh.

They're all in trouble, these bad, bad boys:

And he only kissed her on the cheek

There's an arrest warrant out for Richard Gere in India. Good thing for him he isn't there, or he would be arrested for obscenity for kissing Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty a couple of weeks ago, at an AIDS awareness fundraiser.

Victim Shetty has also been accused of vulgarity and obscenity. India, like most extremely Puritanical cultures, is quick to blame the woman when the rules are transgressed.

Accusing him, and especially her, of pornography seems a little extreme, since he only kissed her on the cheek, after bending her back in a dance move he learned for a movie.

I saw a video clip of the incident today. Shetty's extreme discomfort is obvious on her face. It doesn't look like Gere was aware of it, and he surely meant her no harm, but here's a lesson: be careful about presuming to grab and kiss someone.

The same embarrassed smile spread across Halle Berry's face at the Oscars a few years ago, after actor Adrien Brody grabbed and kissed her (full bore on the mouth) without her permission, as she presented him an Oscar.

Guys, it really isn't OK to grab and kiss a gal without her consent, even if you're in front of a crowd at an entertainment event. It is a violation of a person's body.


Beware the beans

What can one say? It isn't Hugh Grant's first arrest.

This one apparently doesn't involve sex. Hugh was allegedly annoyed by a photographer while he was out jogging. Hitting and kicking the offending paparazzi wasn't enough; Hugh had to throw a container of baked beans at the guy, too.

Hugh was arrested for assault and released. He's not talking, and we really don't know what set him off.

Maybe he had been studying Alec Baldwin's moves too long. Baldwin's had his troubles in the past for going after nosy photographers. Temper, temper.




He's sorry, so sorry


Alec Baldwin's had a reputation for a bad temper for a long time, and he's had his own altercations with paparazzi.

Now he's apologized to his 11-year-old daughter for calling her "a thoughtless little pig."

Good.

Does he really get it? Does he really understand how damaging his rant was? Somehow, I don't think so.

Baldwin's going to be working with celebrity therapist Doctor Phil, who made an on-air appeal to the actor. (Amazing how things work in Hollywood.) Good, if Doctor Phil can get through to him -- let's see how good Dr. Phil is. Baldwin needs some heavy-duty counseling.

I feel for the guy -- his pain and torment come through in the tape. Buttons were being pushed that had nothing to do with his daughter or marriage, but probably went back to his childhood and feelings of rejection and inferiority. He will never have a relationship with his daughter if he doesn't learn to control that flowing volcano of rage.

Baldwin is talking about leaving acting, apparently for something more philanthropic. Maybe he's had an epiphany, or maybe he just hit male menopause.

I'm sure his ex-wife, Kim Basinger, knows how to push his buttons to her advantage in the custody fight. She seems to have no clue how damaging that tape going public is for her young daughter.

It's like The War of the Roses in unending bitterness and battle. Get a grip, alleged adults, and think of your daughter's future.

Good style counts in actions, too

Saint Pat saw this in the Miami Herald yesterday and couldn't help but giggle a bit at the image of a nation outraged at Richard Gere.

When in Rome, or India, try not to offend the locals, darlings. Style counts in actions, as well as clothes.



Kisses get Gere in trouble in India

Gere in an earlier, January appearance


Angry crowds in several Indian cities burned effigies of Richard Gere on Monday after he swept a popular Bollywood actress into his arms and kissed her several times during an AIDS awareness event.

Photographs of the 57-year-old actor embracing Shilpa Shetty and kissing her on the cheek at an HIV/AIDS awareness event in New Delhi were splashed across Monday's front pages in India -- a country where sex and public displays of affection are largely taboo.

In Mumbai, members of the right-wing Hindu nationalist group Shiv Sena beat burning effigies of Gere with sticks and set fire to glamorous shots of Shetty.

Similar protests broke out in other cities, including Varanasi, Hinduism's holiest city, and in the northern town of Meerut, where crowds chanted, ``Down with Shilpa Shetty!''

The two appeared at a press conference in New Delhi on Sunday to highlight the HIV/AIDS epidemic among India's truck drivers. In front of a cheering crowd, Gere kissed the giggling Shetty on the hand, then kissed her on both cheeks before bending her in a full embrace to kiss her cheek again.

''This is a bit too much,'' Shetty said after the embrace.

On Monday, Shetty tried to stamp out the controversy.

''I understand this is his culture, not ours. But this was not such a big thing or so obscene for people to overreact in such manner,'' she told the Press Trust of India news agency.

''I understand people's sentiments, but I don't want a foreigner to take bad memories from here,'' PTI quoted her as saying.

If sex is taboo in India, a lot of people break the taboo, judging from the size of the population. Maybe they just *pretend* they don't have sex.

Ah, well. Gere should be cut a little slack -- it sounds like he was there to do a good thing.

A casual wear must-have

This can only mean the talk we heard was true, that at a clergy meeting a couple of weeks ago, Bp. Howe told clergy he would likely leave the Episcopal Church after he retires. Howe said he wouldn't try to take any parishes, etc., with him.

If the text on the tee-shirt is hard to read, it says, "Bishop Howe can leave the Episcopal Church if he wants, but I will remain Episcopal."

I think I shall wear it next time I visit diocesan offices. That will be a long time from now, especially if I wait for an invitation. Bishop Howe will probably have already retired to the church of Nigeria or AMiA by then. Actually, it will be sweater weather in that hot place, by then.

Tip o' the halo to Paul (A.) who spotted the T over at Café Press.

Easter: Fashion Disaster

It was a strange Easter in Central Florida, at least weather-wise. After a week or two of hot weather, it suddenly cooled down to a low of 40 degrees Easter morning.

This threw everyone in confusion. It hardly ever gets that cold even at Christmas, though we hope for it then, so we can wear our holiday-decorated sweaters and such. But it's not supposed to be cold at Easter.

Oooh, ach, they tried valiantly, the parishioners at our little church. Some came out with their straw Easter hats (though they probably wished for ski hats) and light-cool summerweight tea dresses, with chill-pimples all over their bare, shivering arms. Some put winter coats over such gear, adding a touch of incongruity to the festivities. Some wore sweaters and jeans. Some (like me) reached into the backs of their closet and wore whatever longsleeve outfit they could find.

It was a fashion Tower of Babel.

Imagine the kiddies hunting Easter eggs with their poor little bare legs hanging out.

The good news is, none of that made any difference. Here is what matters: Christ is risen indeed, alleluia, and we shall continue the celebration!

From the mailbag - the curse of meaty thighs

Share Cropper said, in a comment on the call to muu muus,

Well, St. Pat, I love muu muus too, but I've gotten more meaty since they were in fashion throughout the country, and I find that my thighs rub together and cause great pain from the sweat and friction. What can I do to feel better but still comfortable?

Saint Pat understands completely, having a pair of thunder thighs herself. She's noticed that swishy sound her legs make as her pantyhose-clad thighs strive to cling together when she walks.

Before she could respond, Eileen jumped in and said...

I don't own a muu muu. But I want [one]too.

Sharecropper - There are two things you could try (as ample thigh a part of my God-given body, blessed as it is!)

You could take underarm deoderant, and put it on your thighs at the friction point. This does two things - decreases sweat, and provides a bit of...I dunno...barrier, for want of a better word. You can also put on some cornstarch powder as well.

OR you could get a split-style short slip (one that looks like big ass granny panties gone wild!). This is loose fitting, doesn't add too much weight or heat, and keeps a nice slippery bit of cloth at the noisome point.

Eileen's ideas are pretty good.


Saint Pat tried to find some nice, lightweight boy-cut cotton panties.

Sigh.

She has been looking through too many lingerie catalogs this evening, and she's stressed by the sight of all those high-topped, long leg girdles and body slimmers. They should be outlawed, like the Iron Maiden, which one might as well wear. One might as well bind one's feet, while one is at it.

You could try something like one of these; Saint Pat favors the shorter, black ones.











Remember, you're not going to wear your muumuu on a cross-country hike. It's for lounging around the house, and you probably won't need any thigh protection. A little talc or baby powder should work just fine.




Now, this gives a whole new meaning to the term "boy-legged panties." (photo lifted from MadPriest's blog.




















Saint Pat was traumatized by girdles at a young age. She's going to lie down, now, and recover from the vapors brought on by the stressful activity she braved, all for the sake of her reader.

She hopes she won't have nightmares.

Everything old is new again

A column touting the return of the polka dot caught our eye the other day. Apparently, everything polka (dot) is coming back -- big dots, Swiss dots, you name it.

The column featured a photo of a little polka-dot shirtwaist dress. Quite nice, but it was oddly reminiscent of something.

Ah, yes.


"Luceeeee"
















"Eh-thellllllll"



What will they come up with next?

Muumuu musings

Spring is short and it's getting warm in sunny Central Florida. After months of wearing sweat pants and such around the house, I went through my drawers looking for something cooler to wear.

Denim shorts? Nah.

I wanted something really comfortable. Something that lets the air circulate. No bra required.

What I really wanted was a muumuu.


Coming from Hawaii, the muumuu is designed to let everything air out and keep the sweat evaporated. Nice and cool and comfy.

I'm not advocating the muumuu for the office, mind you, but for at home lounging, cooking breakfast, even running out to the mailbox -- I want a muumuu.

Mrs. Roper, I salute you!



Mrs. Roper (Audra Lindley, shown here with actor Norman Fell) of Three's Company never wore anything but muumuus and caftans.

There's no question about it. I'm in my middle years. Comfort counts.

Help is here, darlings

Having already received one request for advice, Saint Pat decided it would be a good thing to have a place for you to regularly send your pleas for counsel, so she set up a special e-mail account just for that purpose. Send you requests to AskSaintPat[at]yahoo[dot]com. If you're having a fashion or beauty emergency, she will advise you on this blog. If you want advice of a more personal or spiritual nature, it will be answered at No Claim to Sainthood.


Here's the first Q&A:

Dear Saint Pat,

I have a terrible time with coffee stains. I'll be sitting at work, reading MadPriest and all of a sudden, I'll laugh and spew coffee all over my keyboard and my white blouse. What can I do to keep stains from setting into my blouses? All of my clothes are getting stained.

Sincerely,

Concerned in Kissimmee


Dear Concerned,

In the first place, don't wear white blouses if you're going to be so messy.

If you have to wear white and light colors (I see you are in Florida, after all), go straight to the ladies' room. Wash out the spot with hot water, then, with your fingers, take a little of that white hand soap, rub it into the spot, and rinse again. It will usually remove the coffee with no problem. This technique is also good for removing salad dressing stains and hamburger droppings.

If there's no blow dryer in the ladies' room, blot the spot as well as you can with paper towels.

Sure, people will look at you funny the first time you go strolling through the office with one wet boob, but just explain the circumstances to them. After the first few times, they won't even pay any attention.

Now, as to why you are reading MadPriest during working hours, that's another question.

Yours,

Saint Pat

Just snicker

This is from Elle's must-haves for 9 to 5. Oh, please. I can rummage in the back of my closet and pull out a real 1980's blouse that looks better than this piece of frump.

It was a terrible look, anyway. Some designer thought, "Hmmm. We could feminize the women's 'got to be more businessy than men' look by adding a frumpy bow." The look should rest in peace. Leave it alone, darlings. But if you insist on having it, you can find one for just a buck or two at Goodwill.

And what's with the hideous shoes?









If any proof were needed that most designers are misogynistic sadists, just look at shoes.

I'm happy to report Macy's does has a number of low heeled and flat shoes, which look like they would inflict very little pain on the wearer.



Get these, however. The combo of destruction: very high heels and very pointed toes. The heels are enough to cause a serious fall. If you manage to wear them long enough before you tumble, they'll cause deformity to your calf muscles. They'll also push your toes further into the shoes, causing deformities to the bones in your toes, with considerable pain along the way. Hammertoes, bunions.

Do you really want to cripple yourself?



And stuff like this runway monstrosity? Well, just :snicker: I guess nobody's supposed to actually wear it (especially the hat) until it's been re-designed. Just snicker.


BUT never buy anything like this!!!! No fur, darlings, no fur. Not even fake fur. I'll explain more on that later.

Real women wear real clothes

Are you sick and tired of snooty fashion designers telling you to wear impossibly ugly clothes?

Are you tired of fashion mavens who archly put down the kind of clothes you wear, and who act like paying $600 for a dress or pair of shoes is usual?

ARE YOU FED UP?

Real women, unite!

Then, this is the blog for you. Full of fashion tips for real working women who wear what they have more than they shop 'til they drop. Women who couldn't survive eight hours in the uncomfortable clothes and feet-crippling shoes the Pharisees of fashion would have us wear.

Get sensible tips for dealing with fashion emergencies, too.